Rant

I hate people who are entitled. People who think others should accommodate THEM!  Who are they?  And why should I be socially acceptable and “nice” to accommodate them when they were irresponsible to begin with?  For example… I hate people who come to the movies LATE and then expect other people to shift or move or reposition stuff to make room for them.  Why should we?  Today, I went to the movies.  I always arrive early, so that I have time to make my selection and choose the best seat for me and my preferences.  As other people sat around me, I ended up with one free seat on either side of me.  The theatre started to fill up and naturally, long after previews had started and literally moments before the actual film began, a couple showed up and wanted me to politely move and reposition my hand bag, jacket, phone, self, etc so that they could sit together.  Of course, one is socially obligated to get up and move but it just annoys me!  Why are they entitled to sit together if they arrive late?  Why do I have to move myself and my stuff simply because I am solo?  I couldn’t resist. I grumbled at them that if they wanted their selection of seats, they should arrive BEFORE the movie starts!!

Not particularly graceful, I know.  And honestly, I am ashamed of myself for being so perturbed by it.  But it is very annoying to me.  And then… naturally, they both got up, at different times, to go to the bathroom (or whatever) in the middle of the film, disturbing everyone as they walk across the theatre in front of the screen.  Not the kind of people I feel like being nice to!

And then, I get subjected to a Hollywood version of romance, where the boy and girl do everything BUT come together, until the last possible minute. Their friends are all married with small booming families and finally they come together too.  Because, naturally, life always works out that way.  Two beautiful people end up having a beautiful life together. Oh how very sweet!  Such B.S.!!  And believe it or not, I cried.  I cried for her when he rejected her.  I cried for him when he finally figured out she was “the one”. I cried for all the millions of people who never figure that out. I cried for the many more millions who cannot seem to find a him or a her.  (Did I mention that the annoying entitled young latecomers to my immediate right were a couple??  A romantic, kissy-face, hand-holding, happy couple???  Grrrrr)

How is it that happy things begin to make us sad when they happen for other people?  I’ve never been the jealous type, but lately, I find myself thinking things like “why not me”, instead of “good for her” or “oh, I am so happy for you”.  Luckily, I am not the only one.  A very dear friend confessed to having similar sentiments over tea the other day.  Both she and I are generally very generous, kind, positive souls. When did we become bitter or empty enough to see our own lack in someone else’s fulfillment?  I hate it whenever I think or feel that way.  Thankfully, it isn’t often.  But how shameful it is!  I am stuck on a recurring refrain of  “glass half empty”.  In truth, my glass is not only FULL but overflowing. I live a charmed life.  True, I cannot seem to attract a single, available, age-appropriate man in the same time zone, but so what?  I love my life. Why do I let Hollywood or society or other people make me feel inadequate?  Just because I don’t have a life partner?  Because I go to the movies alone? Because I am comfortable in my own skin and not needy or reliant on someone else?

It all just makes me mad today.  Why I even bother going to romantic movies is a mystery.  Of course, the theatre will be filled with couples!  Of course, it’s a great “date” experience! Of course, it will highlight my solo-ness.  Naturally, it will elevate any sense of loneliness I feel.  Why am I surprised?  To be so close to romance, with couples on either side of me and four couples on the oversized screen in front of me, just made me feel how very far away I am from any real proximity of love. Or union. Or togetherness.  It’s all about longing.  Desire.  Some vague feeling of emptiness… Not a sickness, just a symptom.  Why can I not believe that I am “enough” – just me, just exactly as I am?

 Proximity

The space between my sighs

is yours
to fill
to munch
to claw
gather, grind,
then gingerly release.

The curve of my waist

is arching
tilting
leaning
lurching forward
towards a dance
with the comforting crook
of your left arm.

The silence of my toes
is beckoning
searching for your rhythm
hunting for your laughter
a whisper for the music you make
which taps me to an alternate time
where All
is
at once
complete.

The hollow spot

in my biggest bed
is empty
nothing
near the back of my knees
the small of my spine
the Y of my legs
so restless
‘neath the ample sheets.

(the poem continues but you get the idea… it ends with...)

How much more

could my world become
if you chose
to be
nearer than near
to me?

©2012 DOS

The excerpts of all of the poems presented in this blog are copyright protected, as each and every poem has been copyrighted.   For a complete copy of any poem, feel free to email your request to: duvallosteennyc@gmail.com.